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This is the nonfiction story of one man's quest to publish a fiction novel:
Chapter 36: Fourth Time's a Charm
schoolThere's so many people yap yap yapping and blah blah blahing all the time, it never stops, they never leave me alone: Where are you? Where have you been? What have you been up to? What's happening in your quest? I want to hear the end of the story.
Okay, so nobody is saying that, but screw it, I'm back anyway, because I've got an ego, damnit, and it needs to be fed.
So you better open that mouth wide, because this digestible airplane is coming through and the spoon is hitting your mouth whether you move your teeth out of the way or not. That sounds harsh, doesn't it? Sorry, let me start over. I have some updates on what's going on with my quest to get published, and if you are curious about them, please continue reading.
Still here? Wow, you're a real sucker for punishment, but I appreciate it, and if I ever get published I'll send you a fruit basket (or a beer of the month, whichever is more your bag, baby). Want me to just shut up and get on with the update? Fair enough, let's do this:
As you may know, my fiancé has been editing my third novel. Well, let me correct myself there; my fiancé is supposed to have been editing my third novel. Unfortunately she's a high school English teacher with a never-shrinking mountain of papers to grade, and she never seems to find time to do it.
Therefore, no progress has been made, and I'm still waiting on her before I start contacting agents about this exciting and moving masterpiece (hey, if I don't toot my own horn, who will?).
In the meantime, I have finished my fourth novel.
That's right, I have written a fourth novel in less time than it has taken my fiancé to edit my third. I'm hoping to use that fact into guilting her to read faster. Is it working, Honeybear?
I shouldn't be too hard on her, though, because did actually do something very nice for me:
She bought me the 2007 Writer's Market for my birthday. Listed within its pages are just about every agent and publisher working today, allowing easy access to the specific types of agents who would like my styles of books, and once she does read my third novel (and eventually, if I live to the 22nd Century, my fourth) I will be ready to unleash a tidal wave of queries to all the unsuspecting writing professionals floating in the harbor. They'll either be crushed by my genius or sent rippling into the sea of non-Ulmer publishing.
What this means, of course, is that it's time to write more query letters. Care to help me?
Okay, so nobody is saying that, but screw it, I'm back anyway, because I've got an ego, damnit, and it needs to be fed.
So you better open that mouth wide, because this digestible airplane is coming through and the spoon is hitting your mouth whether you move your teeth out of the way or not. That sounds harsh, doesn't it? Sorry, let me start over. I have some updates on what's going on with my quest to get published, and if you are curious about them, please continue reading.
Still here? Wow, you're a real sucker for punishment, but I appreciate it, and if I ever get published I'll send you a fruit basket (or a beer of the month, whichever is more your bag, baby). Want me to just shut up and get on with the update? Fair enough, let's do this:
As you may know, my fiancé has been editing my third novel. Well, let me correct myself there; my fiancé is supposed to have been editing my third novel. Unfortunately she's a high school English teacher with a never-shrinking mountain of papers to grade, and she never seems to find time to do it.
Therefore, no progress has been made, and I'm still waiting on her before I start contacting agents about this exciting and moving masterpiece (hey, if I don't toot my own horn, who will?).
In the meantime, I have finished my fourth novel.
That's right, I have written a fourth novel in less time than it has taken my fiancé to edit my third. I'm hoping to use that fact into guilting her to read faster. Is it working, Honeybear?
I shouldn't be too hard on her, though, because did actually do something very nice for me:
She bought me the 2007 Writer's Market for my birthday. Listed within its pages are just about every agent and publisher working today, allowing easy access to the specific types of agents who would like my styles of books, and once she does read my third novel (and eventually, if I live to the 22nd Century, my fourth) I will be ready to unleash a tidal wave of queries to all the unsuspecting writing professionals floating in the harbor. They'll either be crushed by my genius or sent rippling into the sea of non-Ulmer publishing.
What this means, of course, is that it's time to write more query letters. Care to help me?
Matthew Ulmer @ BookSay
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